Womanizers Guide: How To Pick-Up and Live With Women
I love this. Also hoping things will get better as they once were in the early days together. But how to change that feeling? My conscious mind tells me that yes, I deserve better. But I keep letting the loser manipulate me….. This is what I battle every day anymore. CHiggins, thankfully you are released. You put so much care and thought into your response.
It was surgical and poetic at the same time. I hope that you continue to find healing and, beyond that, all the beauty and adventure that life has to offer. I hope to hear more from you. He swears everyone else is the problem and makes one excuse after another when he is eventually fired. He lived off of her and had her working two jobs and bugging her parents for money for years.
The other woman figured him out and when my relative threw his crap out he came back after the plane landed at 2 in the morning making threats. She took that piece of garbage back and her room mate told them both to leave. Not only do you walk away from scum like that C Higgins you drop a nuke to wipe if off the face of the earth.
You do deserve better no matter what you or others think. Why does anyone care? Why does any of this matter to anyone? Here is an idea…. This should be a huge red flag that she is probably a really insecure individual that will date a tall, bad boy, with muscles and tattoos over any decent, sane human being and then turn around and blame men for her irresponsible behavior. Start making the right decisions ladies!
Handsome who may have been spoiled by women all his life. THAT is the guy a woman should look more closely at. I know because I married a guy like that about 31 years ago and he is my best friend, my husband. Men treating women less than well may work in the movies but not in real life. I was a stripper for 8 years!
Iam very confident! I dated great men. Have a greal man! I had to take care of my mother whose mentally ill! Also pay for college myself! I cannot believe all the miserable, women hating, men in this thread. I can kind of guess why they arent getting hotties. I am objectively above average looking and intelligence and higher earning than most men. I bought him a sign for his truck when he worked for himself doing construction. Never could get more than part time hours.
I let him move in so he could get caught up on bills he owed and get back on his feet. I went back to school to become a dentist so he wanted to go back to school too. He became a chiropractor. I mean he literally cannot pay his expenses. Meanwhile I spent thousands helping him get his first office set up. I started buying properties and paying him to do maintenance, so I am actually his main source of income. But he has nothing saved, is in huge debt, and yet each day seems to do very little to market his clinic or get the word out to patients who could use his care.
His a good chiropractor but a terrible business man. From the beginning, I always paid for both of us when we go put. Even before I met him I have always paid my way because I never wanted to be indebted to anyone. From my twenties to now. I am fifty. I never expected anyone to pay my my way. So you judge me saying well you must be ugly. I am attractive even if I say so myself. So you say well you must be a loser with low self esteem. That is easy for you to say. But what about the fact that he is a genuinely nice person and I genuinely care about him and want the best for him.
I want him to thrive. I just want him to pull his own weight. Men like you judge women who wanttheir man to earn decent living. You call them gold diggers. If they settle you call them losers or ugly. Sounds like you just hate women. I am not looking for him to be rich. He is also 50 by the way. But when my mom and brother were terminally ill, he went with me to care for them. The problem, by providing for him I feel like his mom or older sister.
I have always tried to work from the assumption we are equal. And he does have skills I will never have which I admire. He is always available. Like a good girlfriend. I am not frigid. He tells me it is always new for him like the first time and always finds me hot.
He is skillful on bed to his credit.
Even though he too is exceptionally very good looking. I am writing because I honestly want input here. Two choices: either you stay with him for the friendship and accept that he will not pull his weight, or you end it. I hate using the word, but you are acting as an enabler. My dearest relative has gotten herself into a situation that is incomprehensible to me. But his life story sent up so many red flags about him — nothing criminal or anything like that — but he seems to function only through the women he has been with. The thing to do is live separately.
I wonder if you met this man when you were at the top of your game, so to speak… what would this type be?
Undefined as individuals. Never individuated. Thank you for the reply, Jake. Also, I hope you have resolved your situation and I would be interested to know what it entailed. Well, my dearest relative is marrying her guy. End of story. End of family. Also, I hear your tone soften as you spoke about boyfriend helping with caring for your parents.
I get the sense you took on a lot of responsibility as a child. Not, to mention we have been condition as women to care for others before ourselves. Your boyfriend Doesnt maintain anything because he knows you will take care of everything. He is using your weakness and strengths against you. There is no excuse for his grown ass healthy self to not be ablessed to make a living for himself. We have been condition to pit everyone before ourselves that doing it any other way seems unnatural. Get a puppy less headaches.
You should seek counseling to get yourself help. Go get what makes you happy! Hell, get nice guy that can hold his own and have some mad crazy sex! You will forget all about nice guy broke lazy ass! I look forward to an update! Thank you for responding so thoughtfully! You had me laughing and also cringing because you have a funny way of pointing things out and also because you cut to the heart of some things that I have to admit are true.
You are wise and generous. I bought a house which we do not live in, but which I wanted him to renovate so that we could move into it. The deal was that I would not pay him for the renovation because he would live there with me when it was done. I felt that if he was providing this valuable contribution, then I could justify being the only earner.
He did a chunk of the renovation. He works on it a little bit on the weekends and wants me to work with him. I do but I am exhausted. During the week he goes to his office and sees zero to three patients per week. I imagine George Castanza under his desk. I see at least patients per week to put it into perspective. If I do call it quits, it is hard to imagine taking this leap. I guess I am scared. But also just plain exhausted. I feel like I can barely get a breath above water as it is. And also worried for what will happen to him. I do love him as a friend and family member.
His father just got a bad diagnosis and will not be around long. I should be there during this tough time as he was for us. If I leave, he might go into a deep depression. Or, as you said he might turn around and find someone else or become successful! Ironically my first two husbands cringe that sounds so bad that I had two husbands became independent and respectable after we parted ways! That sounds even worse and it is all true!
I am always ashamed of the fact that I had two husbands and that they were both losers when I was with them and are now successful. It IS me! This is so illuminating and so awful to realize! So he is a grandpa now. They have tried to imply I am grandma but I am not feeling it. I never played mom to them and never married their father so I am not going to jump in as a third pseudo grandmother. I have a grown son who is getting married in the Fall in Hawaii. I will have to pay for his trip to Hawaii and am guessing that he and his x-wife may be wanting me to pay for their two daughters and their hubbies also to go to this destination wedding.
He instead made some admittedly very pretty decorations out of tree branches that he gathered. The worst case scenario: he sinks into a deep depression, his father illness progresses, I am not part of the family during this tough time and am cast as the coldest-hearted witch. So really, for HIS sake and my own, I should pull out.
Even though I love him. Ms Jaqueline, you have given me a lot to think out loud about. Thank you! I was a professional photographer 9 years and a nanny 5, then developed cancer due to my high levels of stress, 80 hour work weeks, and 3 hrs sleep nightly since age To me, men are babies. They need full time care, emotionally and mentally. I stay for a while out of guilt. I get nothing out of relationships because I refuse to carry a full grown man through life. But back to why I relate to you. I am currently dating someone. He of course needs me. He of course wants to marry me.
I am now finding myself planning to open a business just to support both of us in life. The difference with him is that I do love him. He stayed with Me in the hospital 4 days. He is loyal to me. I got caught up in this situation being with a man who makes me look less attractive due to the added stress. People are shallow, cold, and judgemental.
Wow, Kim. I just came back to this board and realized you and others had reached out. Thank you so much for responding. I can feel your frustration. And your exhaustion! I had never though about it that way, giving up your looks for the relationship. But in fact that is exactly what is happening. When you are basically working the work of two people, you are burning the candle at both ends and the stress eats away at you. God I hope your cancer has been curable. And now I am going to give you some advice that for some reason is easier to say than to hear.
It is something my Mom said up until she passed last year: Take care of yourself because no on else will. Sad, but true. You have a right to take care of yourself, too. Is he taking care of you in other ways? You are co-dependent. Gads, the trainwreck is inevitable… The day will arrive when ye must get rid of the entitled or passive aggressive bum.
I think your words are ugly! I think just by your words your UGLY! So for u to just say strippers are ugly. Shows your age ur a child! I am married to a looser absolutely miserable and very beautiful. I have 3 kids 15 19 and 9. It sucks. I read several articles on women empowerment, women issues, feminism, etc. Some of the conclusion which I have drawn are:. This is due to increased social and economic mobility where people born in lower income groups can make their way to higher levels through hard work.
Again this happened throughout history but earlier the barriers were almost insurmountable. Now the barriers are much less rigid and to an extent almost non-existent. The ideal way to understand this is my dividing the population into different percentile groups by earning. Women like their partner to earn more than them. These women need to find partners in the same profession so both can equally share towards a higher living lifestyle.
However men in this band might rather go for a women with a bit lesser income so the career of the male partner is prioritized. I am a male and do not believe there is anything bad in this thought. These would be unemployed, minimum wage or temporary contracts. They generally cannot find partners based on income, intellect, etc. But again this works for a smaller time length. Women in early 20s might go with this man out of curiosity,to have new experience,etc.
Hence the current system pushes males to earn higher so they can select from a larger group of females. It disincentives higher earning females by reducing their chances of finding a male. This would protect their wealth over a longer term. This arrangement provided partners for people in every band, even males in the lowest band. However within the current system there is a constant struggle to move upwards. AGAIN nothing bad in this situation: it has given us social mobility, more inventiveness, entrepreneurship, better quality of life, more goods,etc.
But it also leads to :Faster pace of life, lower cohesiveness within society, constant jumping from one partner to other both for males and females ,etc,etc…. So the essence of what your are saying is the American way of life is anti-stable family. America led the path to social mobility and also divorce and feminism, both of which are anti-male.
So for lower social economic status men, leaving the North America may be in their best social interest, but not in their social welfare interest American welfare is near the best in the world. The only way around the divorce issue is to live in sin, never marry. Lower social economic status men in non western socities tend to fare worse in the dating game. Chances nuch higher theyll get married but likely to the least attractive women since the poor, good looking ones tend to marry up.
Actually Matt, your wrong about the economically stratified society providing women for every men. Instead what you see is that men are forced to marry later when they have achieved financial stability leaving young men screwed since few can compete in assets. Only insecure women date losers. Because if you let it continue, your loser boyfriend is going to use and abuse you…. Women go out with dead beats and losers because they have no self respect.
A man can spot the difference between a woman with self respect, a lady and a skank in the blink of an eye. Big time. Meanwhile I pay all the bills and pay when we go out. I make quite a bit but am constantly working my ass off. I saw potential in him because he seemed bright and witty and I thought he was kind. I thought he had the capability so that he would be able to come to contribute. But he keeps managing to be underemployed and unable to contribute. But what the hell? This happened to me!
I was with a once working man who made money, bought me things, while we worked at the same place. I made more than he but he supported his child, and helped with bills while living with me. That all changed once he got fired, started his drug habit again. Weird that someone who had nothing and I gave him everything would do that. It happens less often than men going out with gold diggers.
The number of women who pay alimony to men is still a small fraction of men paying alimony to women. Men pay about 97 percent of all alimony. So you should support men that dont want to pay for everything in our modern age where women make just as much money as males. That is complete BS. Okay, maybe some women do, but when a woman keeps picking the same type of loser, she is getting something out of it for herself.
My former best friend for thirty years has picked guys with the following qualities: No money, no education, dead beat dad, drug addict, done time in prison, uses everyone and anyone, wants meaningless drug-induced hard-core sex. Get the picture? She is very shallow. I agree with Victoria, it is about wanting control…with a minimal amount of effort. At first, I thought, she must have some underlying self-esteem issues. But one after another deadbeat came and went, and she pursued all of them like a horny housecat.
I began to realize that the men she chooses are the ones she wants. She gets a feeling of power and superiority over them. And if there is trouble, with the relationship, or even the law etc. When is someone going to write a book about that? I am a natural fixer in life. I have an excellent job and an awesome family. I fell hard for someone recently that I felt was my mate for life. At first he showed me his home and land.
He told me about his child I am a single mother myself. He had a huge amount of land and a family business. I thought my prayers of finding someone that was hard working like me were over. We enjoyed so many of the same things, and were like peas in a pod. Then one day…. I noticed after a while… He has a family business that his mother runs. His mother controlled his money, and paid all the bills for his home and land from the family business.
I would work all day, and he would nap most of the day. So basically after time, I realized. He sat around and watched TV and napped all day. His once very nice home ended up dirty and very unclean after a while, until his mother visited once a month, then it would be clean again. There was never food at his house. He also had never been married. He had a child, but never married the mother. His child was a demon when he visited. The man had so much resentment for the childs mother that he let him get away with ridiculous things so that when he returned him to his mother, the child misbehaved with her.
Then it just kept going on and on in this relationship. I kept doing more and more and more. We began arguing because he never had money, but nevery wanted to get a job.
2. Being Willing to Hurt Each Other’s Feelings
During a heated argument…. He was stating something that I had said previously, and was using it against me as he had always done before. But this time…. He called me a joke. It was not the worst words that he had ever called me.. But it was the truest words he had ever said. I was a joke. It was me.. I was the one that let this lowlife person consume me. They were laughing at me and not with me anymore becuase I had gone out with this individual. It was the best words that he ever could have said.
I cut the relationship immediately and walked away from that person. I have looked back and do miss him, but not alot. It was time to move forward and that person was not for me. I missed out on a year and a half of my life. And that is time that I will never get back, but it is the best lesson of a year and a half of my life. It taught me that my values were higher than others and I deserved better. Is there a special dating site I can go to? I know, I know. Two months later, it became obvious why. Bat-shat crazy with depression, daddy issues, etc.
Very Serious: You are completely wrong. The majority of us women are not high maintenance, we pay our own bills and all we want is a man who will do the same!!! You women should consider yourselves lucky today since the women years ago along with their men had to struggle to make ends meat.
And working or more hours a week plus taking care of the home and kids is a walk in the park? Definitely not. Personally, I wished my wife worked. With so many very stuck up and high maintenance women out there these days, that makes them real Losers. I lived with a deadbeat pothead woman for 8 years. I loved her so much because she was intelligent, witty, and had a passion for many of the things I liked. The only problem was that she was extremely lazy and never applied herself. She expected me to do everything. She never offered any emotional support and ended up being more of a roommate than a lover, and a bad roommate at that.
She would sit around and play MMOs constantly and not want to do anything else. I showed interest in it and would congratulate her accomplishments. She then started acting like she didnt want me around. I noticed her hiding conversations from me. She was becoming friends with her guildmate and they talked on Skype every day. I figured there was no harm in it because he lived all the way in Sweden. I was wrong. I caught them havung Skype sex one night. She revealed to me her plan to move to Sweden with him abd they would meet on Valentines day.
I felt so bad. Her treating me better makes me happy but I still feel like something is missing. I like a woman who I can debate politics or philosophy with, not someone who debates about what happens on Real Housewives. She treats me better though, so im happy in this relationship. I can keep the philosophical debates for my friends. She sounds really feminine to me. Though, maybe you should encourage her to do what you have specified was the probable outcome. Men are dogs? This is oppressive to men.
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Most women will only have sex with men who behave certain ways and most of those behaviors are correlated with Testosterone levels. It just so happens that those behaviors are are also correlated with a host of other behaviors that make actual relationships impossible. Their own less than decent behavior is thereby justified. Being with a good person removes your own justification for being selfish.
Also, girls who only like bad boys are full of it. Like good men not nice guys they are busy. Some real outlaws do embody being a bad boy, like real bikers. Their reputation precedes them. They just want some attention. They deserve each other. I feel bad for a lot of these girls, especially the ones that have to have my leftovers, my ex is a dead beat daddy, cower, fake, pedophile, mentally slow, loser. I love our child but wow! I would never date a dead beat father!
They just want to get laid and have fun also have some help with the bills if they are loser without any higher education. When really this is all a way to cover up for the scum bags and loser that they are. Ugh makes me sick! I see this girl I know, shes a letter carrier,and is attractive. I would certainly say that they are really the Big Losers. I know I am really late replying to this, but as a female who was engaged to a deadbeat, I feel the need to comment.
I met Mr X on a music video set that I was a makeup artist for. At the time he seemed like everything I at 22 albeit a very young 22 wanted. He worked full time, liked music, and was a Goth. With that, I have three points to make. First, if you are a woman and you think a man is handsome, sexy, charming and worth dating, there is a HUGE chance that dozens, if not hundreds of other women feel the exact same way about him. Third, it is very easy for a man to be faithful to one woman when he only has one woman offering him regular sexual companionship.
But when a man has five, ten, fifteen or twenty-plus women offering him sexual companionship, it is much harder for a man to remain motivated to have sex with just one woman. I just had this discussion with a female friend recently. That is highly doubtful … not impossible, but extremely rare.ygagyxan.ml/map1.php
Sigmund Freud is the absolute first step to understanding why many men choose some women as long-term monogamous sex partners while interacting with other women only as short-term non-monogamous sex partners. Without getting too lengthy here, I will give you the very short-version: Most men want to date and marry women who remind them of their mothers.
The chances of him ever upgrading you to the status of his number-one romantic companion are slim. You cannot. All of them are lying womanizers, cheaters and dogs!! Accept the fact that if a man possesses a lot of highly desirable attributes, his romantic and sexual companionship is going to be in demand. Carter :The man may initially improve according to her recommendations -- remember, he has a lot invested in what she thinks of him. But over time, he becomes slower to respond. The there's the day when she inadvertently steps on his jujube doll with a spiked heel, and it's so painful that he snatches his self-esteem back.
That's the day she loses significant influence. He tries to make himself not care what she thinks, which is why she begins to feel he's emotionally distant. He stops connecting. He doesn't look her in the eyes unless he's angry. When the marriage is on the brink of breakup, the woman drags him into my office. That's when I hear what almost any therapist can tell you is the most repeated phrase among men: "No matter what I do, I can never please this woman.
While she's been genuinely trying to improve him with the best of intentions, he's been feeling her efforts as a shot to his self-esteem. After all the work she has put into him -- he finally eats with his mouth closed, he doesn't say ignorant things -- he may run off with another woman. That's often because he's looking for someone who will think the world of him -- someone who will see him as he thinks his wife once did.
What he doesn't know is that he's bound to repeat the cycle because he hasn't done the work of understanding himself, the woman in his life, and the differences in how they communicate. He thinks his new woman is looking enraptured because he's the greatest, but what she's actually thinking is, "Wow -- what potential. Burford: Once a man has snatched away his "jujube doll," can a woman ever get it back?
6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic | Mark Manson
Carter : Yes. She can sit down with him and say something like 'It wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I have.
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I really do think you're a wonderful man. Burford: How can a woman encourage her partner to reach his full potential without hurting his self-esteem? A: By stroking the jujube doll before bringing the hammer down. Let's say a man leaves his McDonald's wrappers all over the car. The woman is angry that he's inconsiderate of her desire to drive without bits of cheese, pickles, and dried ketchup stuck to the steering wheel.
What should she say? And if she keeps the whole thing light, she'll get a laugh out of him before he heads out to clean the car. I'm not suggesting that women spend their lives enabling and patronizing. This is not about telling a man he has the brightest gold chain or the biggest penis.
How To Be A Man Women Love!
Emphasizing a man's positive qualities is acknowledging the complete picture of who he is and what he has already done right. Burford: After nearly three decades of counseling men, do you think most really want to please women? Carter : Oh, yes! And I believe that a man will feel even more motivated to please a woman he loves if he knows that, in general, she already thinks the world of him. Once a woman tells a man how responsible and caring he is, he'll usually do all he can to live up to that image.
Just to make her proud, he'll rise up and move mountains. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now! All Rights Reserved. Share this on:. Acknowledge the big picture and postive qualities your man exhibits before asking for a change.